I know there are so many who grow up without a mother, and that isn't me. I really had a great mother growing up. It's when I turned 20 I started to lose her.
In talking with a life coach, I have come to realize that letting go of what you'd hoped for and assumed (having an adult relationship with my mother, my children having a meaningful relationship with her) is grief work. These are still things untalked about commonly and not usually validated. But, it makes sense. Gone is the mother I knew and loved. Or, if not gone, buried by her husband, which might be worse. I have a hard time not feeling 'less than' that her love for me wasn't enough for her to feel protective of me or our relationship.
I love my girls to the bone. Yes, I lose my temper, get annoyed, etc--- but dare anyone else hurt them physically, emotionally, mentally and a rage of protectiveness rises in me like nobody's business. Perhaps that will fade, but disappear? I am 99.9% certain it will not. I am their mother and no person on earth could make me give up on them or flush our relationship.
I feel sad, but sadder still that the last years make me feel like I don't want to see her anymore. I hope that feeling or the circumstances, or both-- changes.
