Chosen Family

I am designing an application for entry into my Chosen Family.  Okay, just kidding, but that would be pretty cool--- imagine, with each new family addition, they had to apply for acceptance.  Actually, I'd likely be the first NOT accepted in my family.
But, see, then I could start right away building my own Chosen Family!  No years of struggling as a black sheep--just move right on to find your tribe!  No years of feeling unheard only to realize they don't want to hear about anyone-- they just want to play pretend!  "Jeez, Emily!  Stop having feelings, please!  It's awkward and we'd rather talk about real estate or someone's benign accomplishment, thank you."
  I was picked with 9 others in my college degree program--after an extensive process.  And I was actually more compatible with them than anyone in my family.
I don't know... might be a good idea, people.

A Serious Parenting Issue

There's a serious parenting issue that no one is talking about--really, no one.  I haven't seen anyone  raise this issue in any magazine or parenting forum I have come across.
This is of huge concern to our children's welfare and sense of security.
I ran into this problem today for the 3rd time in my mothering career and I am sick of it.
Toy companies are screwing with my kid's emotional well-being.
I buy a lovey for my baby and when it gets lost 6 months later, you have "re-designed" it. Stupid.  I'll bet Tom Hanks in BIG wouldn't let this happen.
I learned my lesson with Zoe.  When I bought a lovey for Teagan, I got 2 at once.  But yesterday she lost one.  I needed another backup.  I schlepped back to Kohl's this morning, and there it was:  the lovey I bought last Spring... "spruced up".  ARE YOU NUTS?
When Zoe chews an ear off of her Pooh lovey, I have to take it in the middle of the night, compare it to Backup Lovey, and chew it's ear off in the SAME way.  I have to make sure I rotate them evenly--keeping them equally disgusting and haggard--- and hide Backup Lovey in a  place she will NEVER find it.
And then Carter's goes and redesigns Teagan's motherfucking Lovey.  Are you kidding me?
See side picture:
This new one doesn't have polka dotted ears.  It doesn't say Love Me in block letters, it says Mommy Loves Me... in cursive!
I guess I should be happy they both have green bows around their necks, but one is light green, the other is pea.  One trunk sticks up, one swings to the left. One has hot pink hands, one only has arms.
One has a fuzzy face, one has a "shaved" face.  I could go 10-12 more but I get too upset.
Toy companies:   Um... don't you make things for... babies?  So, don't you realize babies recognize this different shit even before the parents, therefore making us look like Betrayers to our children? 
Get your shit together, Corporate Baby Companies.
Parents-- warn your pregnant friends.  Tell them to put down that 1996 copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting and go buy 10 of the exact same Lovey.  (6 for you, 4 to sell on eBay to the mom who will pay anything because her baby is up all night and can't sleep without his lovey-- and when she gave him the new lovey he just got even more traumatized).
World Peace starts with a kid who sleeps though the night.
Get your Lovies in order, people.

Just like me, anyway, Asshole.

I want to be like classic sitcom characters and be loved not only in spite of, but because of my annoying personality.  Take a moment to think about how these people would play out in real life:

• Monica:  She made you use a coaster and she knew if you had moved something within 1/2" of it's actual resting place. 
• Joey:  An idiot and a womanizer.  (What a winning combo!)
• Jerry:  Commitment-phobe who backed out of any situation where his friends truly needed him.
• Kramer:  A mooch and a knucklehead.
• Carrie:  Whiny and makes the same mistakes over and over again and is still confused by her life and what choice to make next.
• Roseanne:  Obnoxious, polarizing, mean.
• Jules:  Control freak, wino, competitive, rules don't apply to her, but she applies them to everyone else.
• Elaine:  Bossy, rude and heartless.
• George:  Loser.  Always makes the wrong decision.  Whiny.

I love all of these characters.  Do we love sitcoms because these guys do and say what we can't?

Will I ever be embraced for being a hard ass?  A nag?  A control freak?  Correcter of grammar?  For pointing out my friend's flaws?  For giving people a hard time?

I love the total acceptance of these people on TV in their little circle of friends.

The thing is, I have actually mellowed WAY out in the last 10 years, losing my sitcom-ability status.  I liked being thought of as a hard ass.  Even a bitch sometimes.  I guess I'm losing my edge.

Now, only my husband and children get to enjoy all of my lovely qualities.

HBO and Zoe

So, as I flipped on the TV to put on a  little PBS for Zoe this morning, it popped on to HBO (we got a free trial 2 years ago and they forgot to take it away, shhh)... and on came the end of the movie "Head of State", a 2003 film.  If you aren't familiar with the movie (as I wasn't) it's basically about Chris Rock's character becoming the first black president--and I only caught the end, but it was pretty funny.  (Like the Republican candidate's motto was: "God bless America... and no place else.")
Anyway, Zoe saw the part where it's announced that he wins, and there is confetti and balloons and cheering.  Then a newscaster says, "For the first time in the history of America, we have a black president." At which point, Zoe turns to me and says, "Is Barack Obama in this movie?"  I mean, clear as a bell!!!  I was so proud that she heard that sentence and knew who our president is, that he is the first black president, etc---- so cool.  Yes, cool that she knows who is our president-- I certainly didn't know who Ronald Reagan was when I was 3, but more the fact that she made the whole complicated connection.  Awhile back she heard his name on NPR and said she didn't like him.  I asked why and she said, "I don't know."  I said, "Well, it's okay if you don't like him, but you have to have a reason.  Did you know he's a dad, too, with two daughters just like your daddy?"  Zoe said, "He's a dad?  What are their names?"  I said, "Sasha and Malia."  Well, for THREE longs weeks she kept asking about when she could have a play date with Sasha and Malia.
Back to the movie.  I'm basking in the intelligence of my daughter right when they show the end clip:  The Inaugural Ball.  Two blonde  women in tight miniskirts are basically doing a stripper dance sans peeling off the little they are wearing.
Zoe says, "Hey, look!  Those moms are dancin'!"