Blogging

Throughout the day I think of all these topics and min-stories I want to write about and see if anyone else shares the viewpoint/experience, etc.  So, we get the kids to bed, nod off while doing so, then I come downstairs to find my mind completely wiped of all of my own thoughts from the day.

Blech.

Gah.

Do better

I have a temper.
It gets especially red hot if one of my kids is emotionally hurt.
Like if Zoe kicks Teagan and Teagan gets that really sad scrunched up baby-crying face.
Or when Zoe pushes Teagan down to keep her away from her favorite toy and my husband comes and takes the toy, but doesn't comfort Teagan.
I also get angry when I have had to tell my husband the same thing 643 times.  Every Thursday is Pizza Night and every Thursday he asks what temperature to set the oven to.  I realize this is not a big deal-- I don't know why it makes me so annoyed.

I want to do better.  I have read that to implement any new behavior takes 21 times.  I seem to get to 2-3 and then backslide.  Our brains are wired to respond in the way we've been responding for years.  21 times sounds easy, but it's a lot!

Dadly Men

Note:  Hoping my dear husband will do a response post to this on his blog.

My husband is one of those dads who gets on the floor, rolls around with his kids, has massive amounts of energy, and lots of endurance.
Kids gravitate toward him--- kids of all ages.
We were just at a birthday party for a 3 year old girl and everyone was jumping in a huge bounce house.  Seth entered and within 5 minutes all the kids were all over him.  Jumping on him, saying, "get me!  get me!", laughing, even hugging him.  (By the way, our 3 year old does NOT appreciate sharing her Daddy.)
I watched all of this for over 20 minutes with a smile on my face and then suddenly felt a little sad.  It made me wonder if it meant that they didn't get a lot of attention from their dads-- or at least physical attention.
I grew up without a dad and did a brief research project in college on daughters who grow up without dads--- there was not much out there at the time--but one study struck me:  that daughters who don't experience the roughhousing/play of a father grow up with emotions more out of balance.
To be fair, I did see two other dads go in and play with their kids in there (though those weren't the kids flocking to Seth), and I am sure some were working today.
I am wondering if playing with their kids might be the single most important duty in the job description of "Dad".
Still thinking about it all, but wanted to share.

Polite

Since when was being polite the end all and be all?

You know-- they used to tell us in school to 'just walk away from bullies' or 'just be nice and kill them with kindness'.  But it is proven that doesn't work and is not an effective tool.  What works is basically calling them out on their bullying and having others around them do the same.  What works is setting boundaries with the bully.

It's sad to have bullies lurking in your own family--- and confusing because it's not a label that comes to mind until late into the bullying game--- you think it's just the culture of your family.  I just saw an Oprah where two girls were raped daily by their father and brothers and they just thought it was normal.   Sometimes families can be more toxic than any hallway bully at school.

 My basic point is:

"The polite thing to do is not always the right thing to do."

Leavin' my baby

On Sunday, the four of us went to an annual event here called Family University.  The entire Jewish community hosts a day of lectures and seminars from all the Rabbis in the region, and the kids get divided into age groups and get to do fun Jewish activities.  Zoe (a 3-4 year old) got to bake challah, make a challah plate, go on a  scavenger hunt and learn the Shema in sign language.
I registered all 4 famly members online and chose our classes weeks before. 
We arrrived, signed in-- got the agenda, figured out where our sessions were and then went to drop Zoe off.  It was her regular preschool classroom, but there were new people and such, so she was a little clingy and tentative.  I gave her an extra hug and with a bit of contained annoyance as she whined after me, started to leave the room.  Zoe's teacher called out, "Teagan's with my daughter in the baby room!"  My heart jumped.  What?  I had to leave Teagan?  As far I knew, the policy was 12+ mons AND walking and Teagan is only 10 months!  I got a little panicky, but played it off as if I'd head right there, but was to anxious and told Seth I just wanted to bring her with us.
Of course our first class was in the sanctuary.  Great re-verb.  Teagan was happy as a clam.  "Ba!  Ba.  BA!  Ra, ra, ra, ra. MA!  MA!"  I took her out.
I tried he rin the Mby Wrap, she was so tired.  No luck-- she was too stimulated by the new place and faces.  I peeked in the glass window to see my husband listening to a lecture on Kabbalah-- adults were in active discussion-- the youngest person in there was easily 30.  I looked at Teagan who was clapping now... and walked her straight back to the preschool.
My intention was to leave her for the rest of the 40 minute class and come right back and scoop her up.  I had nothing with me--it was all with Seth.  I said goodbye to her and tears streamed down my face.  Teagan?  Happy as a clam--right down to crawl around and check it all out.
I left and then say for 40 mins only thinking, Oh, god.  She's the smallest one in there--what if she gets trampled, or a bigger baby is mean to her, what if she suddenly looks for me,  she is definitely going to get sick in there.
I didn't even relax and enjoy being "alone" with my husband having an adult discussion!  Gah!
Dashed back at the break and she was SO happy!!!  Lesson learned.  I was the one with the anxiety, not her.  Sh did GREAT.

Good Recent Book Reads

If I had more time, I'd write better reviews, but here goes--not even writing full titles, going off memory and some of these titles are long:

1.  Thrive by Dan Buettner:  Fascinating!  Learn about the 4 happiest places in the world, why they are happy and what changes you can make to your life to wring the happiness out of/into it.

2.  The Naked Mom by Brooke Burke:  Saw her on the talk and decided to get this from the library thinking it would be another mom saying the same stuff.  40% IS the same stuff, but the other 60% was fun and comforting.  Very quick read.  Love that she says there is no such thing as balance, just "managing chaos".

About to read (once Amazon ships it!):

3.  Fifteen Minutes Outside: 365 Ways to Get Out of the House and Connect with Your Kids:  I'll let you know!

Still reading (for the last 3 months, I have about 70 pages left):

4.  The No-Cry Discipline Solution by E. Pantley:  Love this author, have read 2 other books by her.  She takes a really human/maternal approach and also acknowldges how hard it can be and how angry we can get, etc.  Good tools.